Closure

October 13, 2011

One year. Our first year in a new place, Jacob's third year of life, mine and Fraser's 4th year of marriage. In and out of the days and hours, the months and seasons, we have made it through. A bit stronger in some areas, a bit more unsure in others. What an experience.

Looking back at my first entries in this blog makes me realize how far we've come, as I knew this record would. Jacob looks so much younger then, our house barren and disheveled at first, and Shilo is in the pictures too. We felt so new and sad and alone in those first few days and weeks. 

There have been many challenges: weather, work, making friends, parenting. There have been many joys too: this beautiful area, the friends we have made, the ways we are learning to support each other on this journey. 

I am so thankful to all of you who have read this blog at any point during the year. I'm thankful to all of your comments. Knowing someone is out there is very motivating for writer's block and stopping to write on those busier days. Knowing that there are so many people out there who care about us and want us to be happy gives me such an uplifting feeling. 

I am also so very thankful for all our new friends. My neighours and the moms from my moms' group have been absolute lifesavers. This transition has been much improved by those relationships. Even though I still feel new, I no longer feel like a stranger. And I don't feel alone. I have a network of wonderful people to help me on those tougher days. I need to remember that more often. 

And so the journey continues.... We are here still for the foreseeable future. We do miss Boulder but it is not our time to return now. I have enjoyed keeping a record of our days and activities, as much for my own sake as for others. I also like using this to keep a whole lot of people informed in this one area. As much as I love all my friends individually and there is nothing like a call to catch up, this is so much more practical than making 15 phone calls a day. 

I am going to keep writing but hope to shift my focus a bit. I don't know that it will always be daily. I don't know what all it will include. I want to write about finding my path, finding our path in this constantly changing game of life. Getting to the heart of what matters to me and to my family - that is what I hope to find. So please, keep reading. Keep leaving your comments. They really do mean a lot to me and inspire me to keep writing. My next blog is entitled Closer to Core. Join me there. This part of the journey has come to a close, but it's really only the very beginning. 

closertocore.blogspot.com

Day 365: One Year

September 26, 2011

Well, the 365th blog post. Amazing. I made it.  More on that in a moment...

Last day in CA before heading back up, we had a tasty breakfast from a shop down the way. 

 On the road again after a few more goodbyes. Jacob was in a much better space this time around: looking out the window, listening to his favourite kid music, looking at some books, just hanging out. A pretty drive too, nice weather and scenery, including the lovely Mt. Shasta.

 Back on up to Portland. Easy drive. A little more tired this time around but good overall. Last year at this time we were also on the road and having a much different experience. But that, my friends, is for the next entry.

Day 364

September 25, 2011

We headed down to Berkeley this morning after our goodbyes to the wedding folk. Some friends of ours who used to live in Boulder, Jake and Annie, live there with their son, Leif. It was great fun to see them again! We ate some delicious food at a place called Tacubaya. Very yummy Mexican. 

We also took a little steam train ride through some beautiful redwood forest. It smelled so wonderful with the moisture and the cedary smell of redwoods. Lovely. Our hair was all a-frizz but that was even ok. 

I'm sure they're already talking physics.

We had an amazing dinner from Burma Superstar. Incredibly delicious. It was incredible to me the diversity of restaurants in this whole area. Granted, it's a diverse population. But anything, you name it, you could find it. And good food, too. I'm coming from Portland, which also has amazing restaurants, and still saying this. I think Jacob's favourite dish tonight was the pea shoots (I made an omelet for breakfast this morning - and yes, it is actually October 13th when I'm writing this entry - and there was spinach in it. He told me that it was pea shoots.). 

The trip wouldn't have been complete without a joint bath session. None of the pictures are blog appropriate, though. 

Good to see old friends. Good to hang out.





 

Day 363

September 24, 2011

Alright, if anyone is still reading this blog she knows that I am way behind. I've procrastinating on finishing this. Not sure why entirely. But, I am going to finish it now. 

This was the day of the wedding we went down to CA for. It also happened to be mine and Fraser's 4th anniversary. It was a nice way to spend it, together and hearing others make a lifelong commitment of love. Pretty cool. And the wedding itself was very nice, the party afterward fun. Jacob only had eyes for the wedding cake. As soon as that was cut and he had his piece, we had to leave. He was exhausted. So was I apparently; I fell asleep next to him in the bed. A first for me, amazingly!

Day 362

September 23, 2011


Beautiful morning. Blue skies. Jacob was curious about the old phone in the room. Fraser showed him how the dial tone worked. At one point he was picking it up and Fraser asked what he was doing. Jacob replies, "I'm just doing an experiment." Oh, he is our child, alright. 


Best town name today: Weed, CA. Haha....


This little popper toy which flips things out of it was the toy of the day today. We popped balls, plastic and paper, out of that thing so many times, all of which involved more turning and twisting than any yoga class I've been in. Songs that Tickle Your Funny Bone is still a hit too. He won't let us change it. Well, not without a lot of protesting (i.e. screaming). "No, kid music, kid music!!! The sneezing one!" Overall, though, he did much better in the car.


Fields and fields and fields of.... everything. I don't even know what all was there, but so much. Olives, almonds, avocados, more olives. Amazing. But when I stopped to think of all the grocery stores in the country and the ability we have to go to most of them and get whatever we want whenever we want it, the fields seemed reasonable, at least. Not very sustainable, I reckon. We have so much in this country and we take it for granted way too often.


Oh, traffic. Around about Sacramento it started getting pretty crazy. So many cars, so many freeways, so many cars. Did I mention that there were lots of cars. Crazy. I just don't think I could do that. People who commute crazy distances through that.... wow.


We got to Livermore this afternoon, though, and started seeing some old friends! More that Fraser knew but some I knew too. And meeting new people. No one else had their kid(s) with them, but we are the unfortunate ones that have no one close by to leave our kid with. Alas, Jacob did great. Really fun to hang out with folks, new and old.

Day 361: California Road Trip

September 22, 2011


We get on the road this morning, 9:30; within 15 minutes I'm thinking, "oh god, what are we doing?" Jacob wanted me to read books to him, pass him all sorts of toys, food, water, Mommy, I need this, I need that. Ahhh!


We stopped in Eugene for an oil change and some lunch. Found a little playground to give the boy some action time. That was good. Finally he managed to take a 45 minute nap. Not a car sleeper. Total saving grace - kids music. I don't care how much a person hates Raffi (which, actually, I like him), it's always better than listening to screaming. It pacifies like no other. Jacob's favourite - Songs That Tickle Your Funny Bone. 


Pretty drive, though. We just took I-5 so we were inland a bit. Lots of rolling hills, evergreens. Beautiful. Some funny named towns: Drain and Talent were my favourites.


Stopped in Yreka, CA (said "why-reekah, in case you were wondering, because we were) for the night. Jacob was very excited to be at the hotel. Fraser showed him all about jumping on the bed, I showed him about pillow fights. Good times. Bed time was really adorable. I read him his books, laid with him for a bit, then said I was going to go to my bed. He wanted me to read in bed just like he was. So, I sat in bed and read my book while he did the same. Adorable. Watching him out of the corner of my eye; his little body laying down, holding up his book, engrossed. After he was done, he put them down and rolled over to sleep. I ended up having to lay next to him for a few more minutes but really, not bad. One day down.

Day 360

September 21, 2011

It's amazing to think that a year ago we were making our way across the country, sad to be leaving our friends and beloved Boulder, wondering what was in store for us in Portland. It has been quite a journey, very hard at times and also a learning experience. I have made lots of new friends and friends for Jacob, which is so wonderful. Even though they are new relationships, I know I can call an assortment of people and get support when I need it. That group has really and truly been a lifesaver this year. We've seen many beautiful places, eaten some delicious fruits and been to the coast several times. We've also had our share of grey weather, parenting struggles (which would have occurred anyway) and adapting to a new area. Overall, I'd say I'm very proud of us. We're in a very different, and better, place than we were a year ago. I can't complain (too much :) ). 


We'll be on the road for the next few days so I might not get a chance to write. We'll be celebrating our 4th anniversary this Saturday, at someone else's wedding. Better than last year, though, when we were in Seattle watching The 6th Sense. Not an anniversary movie...

Day 359

September 20, 2011

We went to our neighbour, Sarah's, house this morning to watch her kids for a bit. It was fun. Jacob was getting a little crazed over some of their toys but things evened out after a bit, and everyone had fun. Now, he keeps asking to go over there. Very cute. 

We're preparing for another roadtrip in a couple of days. California this time for one of Fraser's childhood friend's wedding. It should be interesting. Hopefully the car ride isn't too bad. It's about a ten hour drive total that we'll break up into two days.

 

Day 358: A Vaux Swifts Experience

September 19, 2011

Started the morning off at the gym with my neighbour, Sarah. We are trying to motivate each other and keep each other accountable. And it's much for fun to do weights or aerobic machines with someone to talk to.

It was also a beautiful day today! Sunny and warm. Jacob naps right during the middle of the day, unfortunately, and he didn't want to go out after his nap! I could not believe it. But we did get together with Melissa, Julia and their families tonight to watch some Vaux Swifts. They roost in a chimney of one schools here. The sky fills up with swifts (they counted 6,000 last night) and then they funnel into the chimney at dusk. Really pretty cool to watch. Tonight they swirled a lot and headed down into the chimney piecemeal, it seemed like. Apparently, lots of times they really form a tighter funnel and then just plunge in, on the backs of each other they're so close. Still, we had a nice picnic and play time outside. I had some nice time with the moms. 

Jacob was playing with two of his friends. Their dads were around with them, but I was also keeping an eye on him. At one point, he was across the field from me with one boy and his dad while I was talking to Tiffany. I tell her I need to go to him now. I walk across to them and when I get there, he's gone. The dad tells me he said, "Mommy" and ran off so he assumed Jacob had seen me. It was pretty dark at this point, hundreds of people around starting to get up and leave. I had no idea where Jacob was. I have never been so scared in my life. We spread out and I started running around, shouting his name, having no idea what I was going to do if I couldn't find him. Probably only five minutes went by when Julia called out that she had him. Thank everything holy. We were both crying. The group gave us an embracing hug, Mel and Julia telling me stories of how similar things have happened to them. It would be so easy to blame myself, and yes, I have learned an important lesson about staying closer. And it can happen like this, in a minute. Terrifying to think that I lost my child. Thank God for how it turned out. 

 

Day 357

September 18, 2011

 Jacob and I have had a great day. I've put on my patience hat again and tried to look at things differently. I also read some more of The Emotional Life of a Toddler last night which helps with the perspective issues. 

Fraser's grandfather passed away so he's down in Texas today and tomorrow. Jacob and I made homemade blueberry jam this morning before going to my pilates class. Even I was impressed. 

I was just a busy bee during nap time (which I'm regretting now). I finished a second batch of jam, cleaned up the kitchen, talked to my granny (which was wonderful) and sewed a bunch on my t-shirt quilt. Of course, now it's not even nine o' clock and I'm about to pass out. That's what I get. 

Jacobisms:

Yesterday, Fraser said holy sh*t while Jacob was sitting next to him. He'd made a plane reservation for the wrong weekend instead of this one for his grandfather's funeral. So then Jacob says, very matter of factly, "Why did Daddy say holy sh*t?" It was really adorable. And of course, he has no idea of what he just said. 

He was saying goodnight to me last night and going upstairs with Fraser for bedtime. I told him to sleep well. He said, "You sleep well, too."


Today at nap time and bed time I heard Jacob singing his ABC's. The good news - he's not tone deaf. The "bad" news - he's only up to G. This is how he sings it, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Now I know my ABC's. Next time won't you sing with me." It's adorable. I do have it on film and if I can ever figure out how to get a video on this site (I have tried the obvious), I'll put it up.

Day 356

September 17, 2011

Even though we woke up to some nice, steady rain and some grey skies, we headed to the farmer's market. That's what you do here. Put on your rain gear and just go. We got lots of wonderful things today: Jacob picked out some brussels sprouts on a stalk. He remembers getting those when Mimi and Pop were here last November. So, we got those. And some amazing nectarines, beets, yellow tomatoes, raspberries, apples. Oh, yum. 

Jacob was out of sorts, for sure, though, which was a bummer. At one point, he's walking along and hears the couple people playing music start up with Wagon Wheel. He gets this huge grin on his face and starts dancing/running over to the music. Adorable! We enjoyed that. 

Pilates for me after and nap time for the boys. A huge fit after nap time for Jacob. It was like Fraser was trying to break his will. Totally crazy. The boy just works himself up like mad these days over.... whatever is going on in his little body. Hard to know what he needs at times like this. 

Jacob was all about making the brussels sprouts, though! That's what helped get him out of his funk, actually. I made some chicken korma and the brussels sprouts. He was thrilled and enjoyed eating some of them. I cannot say enough times how wonderful it is when the food I spend time making actually tastes good and is actually eaten. So great!

Day 355

September 16, 2011

Oh, Friday... Had a nice am workout. Hit the grocery store (again). No nap for the boy. Skyped with my family instead. That helped. Passed the time a bit with Grammy and Uncle Nick and Aunt Amy. Made some tasty butternut squash and chickpea soup for dinner which was a big hit. I love when that happens.

Fraser and I got to play some fun games too after Jacob went down - early :) Some Yahtzee which is just a classic in my family. And then some Sorry. I just got it recently for us and playing it now, by all the rules, makes it a bit more lively than I remember as a child. Good times.

Day 354

September 15, 2011

Crazy morning with Jacob. He's into things being HIS way. Things that I don't even know I'm doing or things I've done numerous times before or things that he's even asked me to do! Wrong. And not just, hey that's wrong. No. SCREAM!!!!! wrong. Totally hysterical fit, wrong. Whoa. P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. Which I sometimes have lots of and sometimes...... not. Especially when someone is whining, screaming, yelling at me while clutching, climbing and hitting at me. 

However, we were able to (eventually) make it out of the house. Thankfully, we had a playdate so we had a plan. Blueberry picking! The bushes were just loaded with berries. I held the bucket under the bush, gently wiggled my fingers over the fruit and watched the berries just plop into my bucket. I picked almost 11 lbs of berries in about half an hour. Seriously. I could have kept going. It was insane. And the berries are oh, so sweet! 

Jacob had a good time "picking" with his friend, Preston. Picking and eating. Heehee.... Tiffany and Moses came too so it was a nice, little group. Good to chat with the ladies. We also got to check out their fruit harvester. It shakes the bushes gently and the berries fall off and then are lifted up on a conveyor belt and sorted. Very neat.

We spent a little bit of time at the beach there but it was cool, grey and a bit rainy so, no swimming today. Although I think Jacob would have if I'd have let him. 

 

Day 353

September 14, 2011

Jacob wanted to go to a museum this morning. I didn't particularly but I had no better plans. So we headed to OMSI. I had the brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea to text my friend Tiffany to see if she and her son, Moses were around. It worked! Jacob got to play and have a great time (I really think he could live there) and I got to see another adult and have some nice conversation. Oh, I like it when things work like that.

The grey weather has started again. Last week we were in the 90's. This week, the 60's. And grey. Did I mention that? I love fall; it's my favourite season. Getting cozy on the chilly days, cooking yummy soups and lighting spice candles... love it. But does this really mean that we're going to be having this weather for another 8 months?! Because I'm not sure I'm up for that just yet. We just hit summer in July!

We did get some things made, though. I made homemade salsa. For dinner, I roasted a chicken which smelled wonderful and cooked artichokes. It was scrumptious. Everyone loved it. Jacob said, "This is delicious. Thanks, Jill." Yes, he said my name. I had to ask him what he said because I really couldn't believe it at first. I don't know what made him think of that. Fraser never calls me by my actual name. Too much!

Day 352

September 13, 2011

Much better space today. Got to the gym and the grocery store and felt more of the "home day" spirit. A nice relaxed day.

Day 351

September 12, 2011

Oh, a bit of the back from vacation blues today. Only for me, not the boy.

"Take a picture of me sleeping, Mommy"

Oh, those tomatoes...

Day 350: Cape Lookout

September 11, 2011

More beach time - a bit windier today. There was great fog rolling down over the hills and out over the ocean. It was just pouring down... really cool to see. Had to wake Jacob from his nap today -that he began at 11am!! Haha... Went to a seafood place - Schooners. Pretty good. Still nothing totally stellar that you would expect in these coastal areas, but.... better than the last joint after camping at Nahalem Bay. Stopped by the Tillamook creamery. Whoa. It's a madhouse. Lots to see, including the 50 flavours of ice cream. Okay, I'm not sure that it's that many but pretty close: Oregon strawberry, Oregon marionberry, mudslide, cookies n' cream, peach, all sorts of chocolate, vanillas, the list goes on. Jacob had his first very own ice cream cone.  Very nice. He picked strawberry. I was totally nervous about it falling off his sugar cone (!) but he made it.

I'm just diggin' in the sand

Day 349: Cape Lookout continued...

September 10, 2011

Fun day! Lots of beach time, relaxing. No nap for the boy, sadly. That made him a bit of a terror during parts of the afternoon but after a beautiful sunset and a little bit of campfire, he told us he was ready for bed. Perfect. Fraser and I had a nice time chatting around the campfire; fires always bring out some good conversation.

Just having fun... not having a fit

Got a little too close...

Where's my beer?

Drinking "like Shilo kitty"