April 21, 2011
I'm (slowly) learning that motherhood is:
repetition
staying in our jammies till late morning more times than I'd like to admit
not having a set plan, or being able to let go of one
repetition
brainstorming new things to do - constantly
repetition
being happy if I get more than one thing on my list accomplished in a day
listening to who I am as a mother, not who other people are
forgiving myself when I lose my patience
losing my patience
loving so much more than I knew I would
repetition
messes
learning
joy
bittersweet feelings as I watch my little boy get bigger every day
pride as I watch him grow more every day, learning who he is
hoping that I can support who he is and help him support that also
I have been feeling... proud of who I am as a parent recently. There are times when I can see that I am living by the values I feel are important in parenting: Letting Jacob be who he is, not who I want him to be; Not having to make things around the house in perfect order so that I can spend more quality time with Jacob; encouraging a sense of exploration and curiosity that is naturally in Jacob already.
It can be hard for me to look at other people and compare myself as a parent and/or person. But my life is only my own. It's my path to learn and my self that is growing in the direction I want it to. So instead of comparing, I'm trying to do more observing, more listening to me to see how I react, more letting go of things that don't feel right. There are people who inspire me, and I look there for inspiration. But not comparison and judgement of myself. We all choose what we must for ourselves. I must choose for myself.
Ladies' night tonight. Fun. We went to Oba in downtown Pearl. Nice to get out and have more of a real conversation. Always nice to get some of that from some other females.
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