Day 194

April 8, 2011

Sunny day. Jacob and I putzed about the house this am, trying to finish the "spring" cleaning I started a week ago. It'll be done sometime before summer, I'm pretty sure. We got outside to take a little bike ride. Jacob was riding, not me. I'll have to get my bike back up and running with the burley once the weather is more consistently nice.

It was so relaxing walking about this am. Quiet. No one about. Cool underneath the warm sunlight. Jacob led us up to another street where we came upon a young girl and her dad out playing. We got to chatting. He's originally from Boulder. Now, he's a stay at home dad to his two girls and brews his own beer. He offered me some from his kegerator that I happened to notice. Brilliant! He was nice. The girls, probably around 8 and 9, were great with Jacob, and he loved them too. And the beer was tasty. We talked of preschools, neighbours, bad driving. Good times. 

Jacob has also been into hopscotch these days. It all started with a chalk drawing. Now, that's all he talks about doing when we go outside. He goes off to the garden to find a rock, takes turns with me throwing it on the board and then jumps on the numbered squares. Today he noticed that one of the squares needed a little fixing in a corner. He went into the garage, came out with some chalk, noticed it was the wrong colour, went back to get the matching colour and then chalked over the corner that wasn't entirely connected. Hilarious!


Fraser mentioned the other day that we should start thinking about preschools. I'm not ready! My baby! I don't want him to be influenced by the world just yet. He's so wonderful and unself-concsious and perfectly happy being who he is. It's going to be so hard for me to watch him go through the learning of being aware of who he is, discerning what is true and what is not from what people tell him. At least, that's what I'm afraid of. I remember it being hard at times, so I'm projecting. I'm aware of that. We all have our paths. I'm aware of that too. He came into this world through me and Fraser to learn the things that he needs to. But watching some of those things as his mother could be really sucky for me. Or not, I guess. But most likely, there will be some hard times. It's my job to help him learn how to handle that. 

Oh, my baby. It makes me appreciate even more every single hug he gives me, every time he says he loves me, every time he uses my nipple (still) as a comfort object, all his laughs, his observations, his little voice squeaking out all sorts of thoughts. How amazing to watch a human being develop and to be such an intimate part of it. I am very thankful to Fraser for valuing my role as much as I do and for supporting it. It is like nothing else in the world.