Day 115: Today I feel.... contemplative

January 19, 2011

A beautiful, clear, cold morning today with gorgeous sunshine. Jacob and I got out there for a little fresh air and vitamin D. 

Beautiful but c-c-cold! The sun does not do much for warmth at this elevation.

Still, we got outside which is more than we can do most mornings without getting soaked. The past two days have been nothing but steady, drippy rain. 

 And it was strikingly beautiful outside with every little plant outlined in frost. These blackberry leaves just looked coated in sugar. I had to try and capture that. Above the tangle of blackberry bushes, I could see a faint haze as the moisture evaporated in the sunshine. 

 We were supposed to have a playdate this morning but plans changed. This outside adventure was just what I needed to get into a better space for the morning. This and a yoga class afterwards. 

 We probably lasted half an hour before our hands were cold, and we were ready to thaw out. Lovely.

During naptime, I rested, did some practical stuff and finally started on my t-shirt quilt. By started, I mean cutting t-shirts. After "procrastinating" for a couple days now (and believe me, there's plenty to procrastinate with), I've come to the awareness that it's emotional for me to cut these shirts. Going through them after washing them, there were several that brought back such special and strong memories. 

There are different layers to the emotions. Some shirts I like but don't have such a hold on. Some have ironic meaning, like this Oregon shirt that was my dad's. Others have cool prints that I want to keep but that I didn't wear much. And others, I wore the shit out of. During my trail work summers in Idaho or my invasive species work on Kauai, I only had a few shirts and wore them constantly. On Kauai, I had two work shirts. Many of these shirts I actually got in Idaho at the Humane Society gift store, Rags N' Wags, at a totally different point in my life. Carefree, exploring, learning.

A shirt that was my mother's before it was mine.

I had the Indigo Girls playing, because I knew I'd need some helpful music. As I started going through the shirts and cutting them, it was like walking back through my life, parts of it. Important parts. The twenties were such an exploring, engaging time with adventures around every corner and fewer daily stresses. I was learning about me, my dreams, my heart. And not that I'm not doing that now, but it's different. Then, my inner parts were newer to me. Now, they're closer friends to me, and we communicate differently. Parts I've let go of or have changed. New parts have emerged. And there remain some parts that go to the core. 


This quilting time became a contemplative meditation on my life up till now. I get the same feeling when I look through old letters. I keep a lot of letters and go through them from time to time. Or reread my journals. It's always interesting to see my own progression. It's heartening, loving and fills me with a broad energy that fills me until my cup runneth over. What an interesting journey I've "decided" to take with this quilting project...