Day 126: Missing the fam

January 30, 2011

Busy weekend for Fraser. He didn't have to go in to work but did work a lot from home. At least we got to see his face and feel his presence. He and Jacob hung out this am. All that I've read and heard about daddy issues at this age say to make special time for the two of them without mom and just keep at it. It's a (horrible) stage that will eventually pass. 

The rest of the day was more mom-centric, but I can tell a difference on the days Fraser gets up with him. He's more mellow about Dad, let's him do more things, isn't SO clingy. Still mommy needy but slightly less. Same thing happened when Fraser and I spent our night out, and Jacob stayed with Mimi and Pop. They got so much closer and the clingy-ness diminished. (Even now, he talks about them a lot and wants me to call them on his phone. It's adorable how he really believes I'm talking to them. Naivete... what a wonderful state... for awhile.) Wonderful. It is such an honour to be his object of affection. And when he gives someone else a bit of love, I love it too.

My homeys

More pictures today. I'm making progress but it's a bit slow going at times. I found out that I hadn't put any pictures on Snapfish from my trip to MI last July. Yeah, that was a lot of pictures. Looking at them was fun, though. There were pictures that just made me laugh out loud (I've kept some out due to inappropriate content). I love my family. They're crazy, no doubt. But I love them so much, craziness and all. I just choose to stay out of some of the craziness at this point. I'm very excited to be visiting in March.

The famed whiskey shot into the fire by Pops - at the new house

Had to listen to some Neil tonight. Missing my family can inspire that although it's not the only thing that does. Best American songwriter of all time after all. Jacob and I played dominoes (a new favourite game), blocks, Scrabble and Monopoly while listening. He's very into games these days. Just likes to play with the pieces, sometimes try to move some spaces. Very funny. When playing with the blocks, he has this wooden giraffe from the train set and he always says, "Looks tired. Giraffe looks tired. Take a nap." He finds a nice wooden block and lays the giraffe down. I don't think I'll ask him how I look. Hahaha...

Day 125: A third of a year

January 29, 2011

Well, we've been in Portland for a third of a year at this point. Seems like a very long time in some ways. In others, short. Lots of areas still feel new to me here and will for awhile. But I also have a much larger comfort zone than when first arriving. People and places to visit as well as things to do. I've been looking at pictures to order and seeing our old house, the snow covered backyard, mountains.... all this makes me lonely for a place that means so much to me. Here is nice and will continue to expand, but my heart still resides in Colorado.

We took a family trip to the park this morning. Jacob rode his little bike all the way there. He was a little daredevil today on the slides. First, it was just going down sitting up. Then he wanted to try head first. Fine. He loved it. Next level, head first, backwards. Right. He just laid down and pushed off with his little feet, no fear. He enjoyed it. The slide even had a curve in it that seemed to bump his head a little. Not phased. This might foreshadow trouble in a few years.

Came home and he had a total fit. He wanted cookies for lunch. I said no, not without something else first. And that was that. Another good reason to not have any of those things around the house. This is how I stay skinny (that and fantastic genes). He was still having those little uncontrollable, shaky breaths when I put him in his bed. Sad, yes. 

I hate the battles, and I know they've just begun. Where's the line between making a point and pushing it beyond his limits? I know kids understand way more than most people (read: adults) give them credit for. And yet, they also are run by emotions and get totally hysterical and then, is my point really making the impression I'm after? Meanwhile, I just exhausted from going to battle so many times a day: diaper changes, meals, bath time, how many books we can read, not jumping on the couch, etc. Oh, defining boundaries. I know why it's so easy to let them slide; it's constant work to set them and hold them. And once I start second guessing myself, he can tell and then, the struggle gets even worse. But I don't always know that my answer is the "right" one. The times I'm sure aren't the problem. It's the in between times, when I'm questioning things as well. Aaahhh.... to be a parent. The lessons I still have to learn. The challenges my children will help me face. It is, and always shall be, an adventure.

Then there are the times like this that just make me pause:
As Jacob is eating his yogurt the other day, he tells me that his spoon is a lever. I have to think about it for a bit before I realize, he's right. You push on the handle and up lifts the yogurt. Wow. I can thank the Berenstain Bears' Science Fair for that knowledge.

Day 124

January 28, 2011

Down day. That fantastic time of the month for a woman when all I feel like doing is crawling into bed with some heat on my abdomen and a good strong dose of pain pills. Not pleasant. Evolution got something really wrong on this one.

Jacob and I did manage to make chicken and dumplings (Cooks Illustrated Sep/Oct 09). A recommendation from Mom and Dad D. Very tasty. Similar to my mom's chicken and dumpling soup. Both wonderful, comforting options to keep on hand.

Fraser and I watched Toy Story 3 after the boy went to bed. Cute movie, just like the others. Sad too. Just reminding me that someday Jacob will be off to college and it will be a day filled with joy and sadness. I can wait.

Day 123

January 27, 2011

Went to the library this morning. Good to get out of the house a bit and find some new books, including a new I Spy (those are as good for me and Fraser as for Jacob). 

While he napped today, I worked on my quilt. More specific cutting. I'm excited to feel it progressing. Sometimes I feel that I "start" a project then get waylaid by numerous other things. But I'm really enjoying the time and the craft of it, the creativity and selfishness of it. Something I've wanted to do for years and am finally doing.

Tonight I was reading my new favourite blog, Soulemama. This woman is... unbelievable. I mean that word somewhat literally. She has four children, is pregnant and still has time somehow to knit, sew, craft, cook, do fixes to her house, and keep up a blog. I really don't understand. I am not using my time efficiently, is what I gather. I'm just getting into it so when I figure out some secrets, I'll use them in my daily life. 

What she is, though, is.... intriguing to me. I like the idea of repurposing items, crafting, making homemade things. I don't know that I could get into knitting that much but I don't even know how to knit so that could be the first problem. I don't want to compare myself because I am not her, first and foremost. I don't have all the same aspirations. And yet, she is inspirational to a fellow homemaker. That role is so underplayed in our society.  A true HOME maker entails so much and a knack for doing so. Some people are really not that good at it. I want my home to feel that way - homey, comforting, supportive, warm, safe, inspiring, encouraging for all those in it. It is a journey, a process of finding what that means to me and to us as a family. I don't know what our home will become over the years, but I do know it will continue to grow as we do.

Day 122

January 26, 2011

Jacob slept till 7:30 this morning! This is unheard of. I almost went in there to check on him. It's probably because of his cold. I was able to get up, dress, listen to some of Democracy Now while making out a grocery list before I heard him. Amazing. I praised him up and down for sleeping so well, telling him how much his body loved it, how proud I was of him and how happy it made me. He is just so inconsistent, it's crazy. I really feel like other people's kids are a bit more regular than him. My luck.


We all went to get the car this morning, Jacob pitching a total screamfit because he wanted Mommy to drive. Sigh. Roll up the limo window in my mind and try to block out the screams. Finally, I had to turn around and try to comfort him. He at least got quieter. Whew. Grocery shopping was much quieter after Daddy was out of the car. Sadly.

Jacob asked for a pomegranate and a star fruit from the grocery store. When we got home, he wanted to eat the star fruit. He just devoured it; ate it like an apple. Well it doesn't really have the same kind of core, but he just gobbled it up, telling me "uh-oh" when some of the juice got on the floor. "Mommy clean it up." Yes, Mommy will clean it up. He has some type A qualities about having things a certain way, like all toddlers usually do at some point. It's the routine and familiarity of it that they grab onto. I'm glad he knows to wipe his hands when he's done eating and lean over when eating his food. Fixing the corners of a blanket on the floor when it flips up might be a bit over the top, but I'm not ready to discourage that just yet. 

Talked to my mom for a bit. That was nice. Gave me some help on the quilting project - info on interfacing. And then, told me the best advice: "Put him down for his nap and then do whatever you want". Hmm... what a thought. So, I am.

Started the more exact cutting of the shirts today. It's getting easier to cut them at this point. More exciting thinking of their new life. I still haven't cut my favourites. Still procrastinating on them. But the ones I am cutting are getting me over the sad parts. Today, I listened to some U2 first - All That You Can't Leave Behind. Followed by Coldplay - Parachutes. I felt like listening to music that was important to me in college. Interesting. 

Tonight Jacob and I made a beef and butternut squash stew thing but used elk instead. Pretty tasty. A little gamey. Jacob actually tried it and seemed to enjoy it but just wasn't too hungry at that point. 

Someone else who likes quilting

We went out for a night walk after dinner. He's been talking about going out in the dark so we tried it. He loved it. He wanted to ride his bike. Off down the street he zoomed, stopping to look at sewer covers and sprinkler systems: "Water in da tubes, water goes dere, comes out dere". He loves how things work.


Bath time. I bribed him at the end, telling him he could have three books for bedtime if he got out of the bath and brushed his teeth quickly. In general, I don't like bribes, but I think of this more as an incentive. A reward. And he was great tonight and got his three books. Hallelujah for me.

 

Day 121: Terrible Twos?

January 25, 2010

Dealt with the beatermobile this am. A.k.a my Honda Accord. Recently the upper wheel area has been making a grinding/clicking noise, making one feel like something is going to break at any moment. Called the tow truck for it. It does run but this way is safer and putting to use the service that we already have. 

Went sut for a nature walk. Short. Chilly. Ended up at Karen's house. That was a nice break for me. It'd been awhile since we've hung out. Can't say enough how much I appreciate having her nearby.


After a short nap, we ended up outside again. This time we saw some neighbours playing basketball and went over to check it out. Two girls and their mom. They shared one of their little basketballs with Jacob, and he was just beside himself with happiness.

We also saw a biker ride by at one point who then turned around and said, "Jill?" I could not imagine who it was at first even though I recognized the voice. It was a woman from my pilates class who lives nearby.  We chatted for a bit about biking to work and whatnot before she headed on her way. Nice. 
There's actually another young mom who I met at the gym who lives right down the street also. We found that out recently when I couldn't meet her at the gym due to Jacob's cold. Turns out we'll be able to hang out in other ways, very easily. It feels slow going at times but these are the things that make me realize I am making inroads in the area.


The car ordeal turned out not to be as bad as it could've been. We were thinking it was going to be super expensive and more worth it to look into a newer car. Thankfully, this wasn't that time yet. I'm sure it's not far, though.


Fraser got home tonight and, amazingly, I was still motivated to go to the gym. I was gone for an hour and the whole time, Jacob pitched a fit. Crying, yelling, not eating his dinner that I had just made for him. Not fun for anyone, least of all poor Fraser. So many people tell us that this phase will pass too, and in our heads, we know it. But it is so frustrating. We go from having a nice weekend to two days of "Daddy go away", "No Daddy talk" or "Daddy leave". Talk about misery. I don't really know what else to do about it except keep having the two of them hang out together and talk up Daddy when he's not home. Jacob has dropped down to only one nursing every other day so maybe that's part of it. I have no idea. But I hope Fraser makes it through.

Day 120

January 24, 2011

Jacob has the sniffles. A congested nose. Bummer. All regular plans out the window. At least he's still in decent spirits. We went over to the "marble store" a.k.a toy store. Played there for a bit. Came home and he scarfed down some chicken soup with carrots (okay, it was Ramen with carrots). Then we entered the craft realm again. We're finishing up some Valentine's cards. We got some glitter glue at Michael's yesterday (hot pink, Jacob's choice), and I was trying to get the thing open. After tugging at the top for awhile, trying to pry it off with scissors, pull it off with my teeth, I finally tried squeezing it. POP! Off came the top as well as some nice glops of hot pink glitter glue. On the floor, the table and the wall. I had to laugh. It was pretty funny. Jacob didn't quite know what to make of it himself. After the cleanup, he has his shot at it which turned out to be much neater than Mom's. 

Talked to my gran this afternoon. She's up in Montana visiting little Charlie. She sounded absolutely delighted, happy, exuberant, youthful. It was adorable. She said he's a good little baby thus far. Likes being held, eats "like a rancher" and is on a good sleeping pattern. 

Felt a bit like a long afternoon even though Fraser got home "early" at 6. We were inside a lot today and he's been needy. It's just a lot after a long day of doing it. But bath time was really fun, as usual. He just loves playing in there. It's fun to watch him swim around and play with his toys. 


Random Jacobism:
He'll say "mm-hm" at the end of statements (like I do, I guess) when something is true. Example: "Gacob put olives on pizza, mm-hm". "Ga-cob eat that, mm-hm".


Always makes me aware of the things I do and I say. 
Did I mention yet how he tells the cat to "Get off! Get off Shilo kitty". Or he'll say, "knock it off" while smacking his hand down. Yes, very.... interesting. What a great mirror.