May 20, 2011
I've been having a hard time this week. Been feeling extra crabby, less optimistic than my usual self. It's a combination of things, naturally: lack of sleep, a week of Fraser working long days, getting over a cold. I can feel them taking their toll, blocking my usual feelings of joy and idealism.
I've been asking myself a lot of questions these days, as I like to do. Questions about life. Questions like, is this it? Is this really what I came into this world to learn and do? I don't mean being an at home mom, I don't second guess that decision. But constantly driving around town for activities, trying to avoid outings that involve buying more crap (can we say Target?), feeling like a single parent much of the time because my husband and partner is doing something all day, most days, in order to make money that we don't even have time to spend on doing anything together? Is this it? Really? Because I m pretty damn sure I did NOT come into this life to do this.
It's times like this that I know why I save letters and pictures and quotes and other such memorabilia. When I need a little reminder of who I am, why I'm important, what life is about, how it feels to be connected to my own soul, I look through my boxes. I have received so many fantastic letters from so many amazing people all over the world. I have been honoured to make many great friends in my life. I read their words in their old letters, and it's like we are together again. My heart is reminded of all the love I have coming to me. My memory is reunited with scenes that make me smile and laugh. My soul is bolstered and again, I can hear its song, its familiar vibrations deep within me. And I know I'm okay. Maybe not yet where I want to be, but I know I will get there, that I DO have what it takes to get there.
So, thank you. Thank you to anyone who has ever sent me a letter, a card, a picture. Thank you to anyone who has shared experiences with me that have made us laugh, cry, shout, hug. Thank you to anyone who has ever seen my heart better than I have and told me so. Thank you to anyone who has ever (and hopefully still does) love me. You all are in my energy every day in all the ways I go about things, in the decisions I make, in the person I am at this point. I am so very grateful to each one of you for helping me be who I am and for supporting me in who I have always been. One person does make a difference. Every one of you has, and I am so very glad for that.
Namaste: I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is love, truth, light and peace. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one.
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