Day 9: Today

October 3, 2010

Finally caught up. Hopefully most of my posts will not be current day writings.

Grey day today. Cooler. It is October after all. I wondered how the fall would be here. So far pretty lame. The leaves seem to turn a slight colour or just brown and then fall off. Not like the vivid oranges and reds from the Midwest which I miss or the striking yellows from Colorado. But it's fall nonetheless, my favourite season. I am excited to find some pumpkin patches and corn mazes to check out this month. Maybe some apple picking or something. 

Finally took a few pictures of the house for those of you asking for that. Probably been avoiding it because it depresses me slightly. The garage extends a little bit to the left in this picture but this is pretty much it. And this is pretty much what every single house looks like in our neighbourhood. While I was taking pictures, though, our friendly brownie-giving neighbour waved to me from her car. That was nice. 

 This is the coziest area. The kitchen opens into a living room which is nice. Behind me in this picture is a long room that you enter when you come in the front door. There's a dining area at one end and a living space in the rest that we're not sure what to do with yet.

 All boxes still to the right. Maybe we'll just keep them there as furniture. Set some up like a couch, which we don't have one of. New age. Modern look.

 Best part of the house in my opinion - nice long deck backing up to a green space. Bike trail goes along there. Park a very short distance away. 

 And my personal favourite, our very own, very good, washer and dryer. After having absolute pieces of crap in Boulder and not having ones provided, we went for gold. Definitely a bit pricey. Moving makes you hemorrhage money. But we'll be set for many long years and loads of dirty diapers. Whoohoo!

Also got a gym membership for me today. Very nice gym very close by. Daycare for Jacob. Sweet. Time to workout, go in the hot tub or just write. Very, very helpful. I'm excited about this part. 

Fraser is looking forward to work tomorrow and feels a little weird, it being his first day and having been off for three weeks. I hope it goes well and that he likes what he's going to be doing. Likes what we moved here for. Otherwise, life will be challenging for awhile. I think it'll be fine. I don't doubt that we came here for a reason. I don't think we've made a bad decision or a wrong one. It felt right to both of us to do this and I trust that feeling. It doesn't feel great right now, no. We're new, we've moved to a place that is not what we're used to or what we enjoy in general, we have no friends yet. But, it's a journey to what we're supposed to be doing with our lives. That's oftentimes not easy but that doesn't mean it's not right. Wow, too many negatives in that last sentence. Point is, I think we'll be fine. More than fine. Eventually. And we're here together which, really, is the best part.

Day 7, Day 8

October 1, 2010

Honestly, I can't remember what we did on this day. Obviously it wasn't that impressionable. More depression from Fraser and bickering amongst ourselves, no doubt. That has filled lots of our time these days. Moving is hard. Moving to a new place that you don't like right away is hard. And Jacob's get-the-hell-away-from-me-if-your-not-my-mom attitude is sucking big time right about now. No doubt there will be more to write about this in detail later.


October 2, 2010

Today was going to be great. Fraser was going to take Jacob out in the afternoon and they could have some fun together while I did some unpacking. There is nothing like trying to unpack when you have a toddler with you (except trying to unpack when you have any number of children with you). I was feeling overwhelmed. Fraser is starting work next week and I'm going to have my hands full. 

They got packed up, Jacob gave me a kiss on the mouth (something he has learned from watching his father) and demanded that "Daddy" give me one too. He told me, "bye bye" and they headed out. The house to myself!


I called my bro, we chatted. He assured me that things would get better and that living in the suburbs was probably better than living in the ghetto. Okay, okay. I'm multi-tasking, getting Jacob's room together and sooner than I expected, I saw the car come back. I don't think it'd even been an hour.
"Oh, god," I said to my brother, "they're back. This can't be good. Jacob's probably been having a meltdown. I better go."


Fraser comes upstairs with Jacob and the look on his face was telling.
"I'm about ready to snap," he said and handed Jacob over to me.
"Oh, geez," I said. I gave him a moment. 
"Apparently, minors are not allowed in the bars in this state."
"What?"
"Exactly," he said. "What the @*&#* kind of place is this!? It's not like I'm going to give my kid booze! I'm trying to get out of your hair. A father and son can't go watch some !*$#&$^(@ football until his son is 21? I hate this state! I told the waitress I'd just moved here and this was the most unfriendly state I'd ever been in."


Wow. No logic that I can understand. I don't know all the reasons behind things in this state but that one seems to top the cake. You can be in a restaurant, apparently, with a minor where there may or may not be a television to watch sports, but not in a bar area. What's the difference between ordering a beer at a table versus at a bar? The waitress also mentioned something about a video gambling game in the bar area. Right. The kid's two. He's not going to be playing Keno. This puts a damper on a big activity that we all enjoy. We'd take Jacob to the Boulder Cafe all the time for happy hour and occasionally, sat in the bar. 


This was also the straw that broke the camel's back for Fraser. The bottom of his depression. The final nail on the coffin for him. The two bright points to the day were 1) his buddy James calling in the am and 2) talking to his parents in the evening. 
"It's good to talk to them," he said. "It's good to talk to someone who loves me."
Oh, and Colorado beating Georgia in their football game. That was also a happy point in the day.

Day 6: Cannon Beach

September 30, 2010

We'd been lucky to get some great, sunny weather this first week. A beach trip sounded like a good idea. I was a little nervous about putting Jacob in the car again for more than a ten-minute drive, but thought that the idea of the beach would pull him through.

The hour and twenty minute drive to the beaches is beautiful. Lots of farmland for awhile then into the Coastal Range which is like driving through an evergreen canyon. Huge trees line each side (except in some areas that seemed heavily logged), moss growing from their branches. Jacob actually fell asleep for about the probably thirty minutes of the drive and woke up just as we were pulling into town. No screaming at all.

We found a parking lot and headed toward the ocean. Breathtaking. Massive walls of water forming off the coast and crashing into themselves. By the time these waves hit the beach they were just gently gliding onto the wide stretch of beach. This was much better than suburbia.

And finally something that brought a smile to Fraser's face!

Personally, I thought he was crazy. The water made my toes feel numb and Jacob really wanted nothing to do with it. Whatever makes a person happy, though. Jacob and I made some sand castles and found remnants of sand dollars instead. 

Some tuna fish and chips and a delicious ice cream cone (cows 'n brownies, I think; vanilla ice cream, chocolate swirl, brownie chunks and chocolate cows with peanut butter inside) later and we were ready to head home. Happy to find a beautiful place pretty close.


Jacob fell asleep in the car again! About five minutes into our drive. He wasn't feeling great, though: hot, not himself. Just wanted his thumb and a nipple to touch. Poor little guy. 


Stopped for gas an paid more for gas than on our entire trip - $3.22. Thrilling. The lesson is, fill up in suburbia.

Day 5: A Neighbour!! And Downtown

September 29, 2010

Just when we've been feeling so down about where we're living and that this is just the quietest neighbourhood, the doorbell rang. Fraser and Jacob were out at the store. I was wondering who it was this time. So far, besides our landlord, we had one young boy come by asking for the previous tenants and one lady asking if a deaf child lived here. I opened the door to see a young girl, probably around 13. She was holding a plate of brownies. 

"Hi," she said, "I'm your next door neighbour. We just wanted to say welcome to the neighbourhood." 
Praise Jesus!! Hallelujah! Thank you, God!
"Thanks so much, "I said. "So you live in the blue house?"
"Yes."
"Do you have siblings?" I guess I was desperate for the communication of others.
"Yes, and older sister and a brother over seas."
"Oh, wow," I said. "I have a little boy who's almost two. He's at the grocery store right now."
Slight awkward pause. She was only young, after all.  "Tell your mom and dad thanks and that we're glad to be here." So the last part of that was a lie. We wanted it to be true.

I came back in the house elated. I couldn't wait to tell Fraser. We've been greeted!! At least by one person. One family. I ate a brownie. It was the best brownie I'd ever eaten.


 Headed downtown this afternoon. Drove to a Max stop. Max is their light rail system. Of course, not knowing much of the area, we drove to a station that has no park-n-ride. We parked in the Costco lot and walked back to the station. Got on the train and headed down. 
Jacob enjoyed looking out windows and at other passengers. He always loved the bus in Boulder so this was cool for him. 

We walked around downtown for awhile, had some Thai food. Not as good as the first restaurant. Also hung out at a brewery so Jacob could have an actual dinner. He wasn't much of a fan of the Thai. Lots going on downtown. Lots of different people, lots of things to see. 
Fraser and I were feeling a bit of culture shock, actually. Pretty funny considering everyone told us that Portland was just like Boulder. I think some areas probably are but for us, it felt like a huge difference. It's a lot bigger, that's for sure. A lot more eclectic, which is good overall but also overwhelming at first. Lots of fun looking eateries. A big water fountain park area when we first got off the train. Lots more exploring to do over time. 

Bummer to return to suburbia. Fraser was wishing we could live right downtown. And it is a bummer that it takes half an hour and two ways of transportation to get down there. A year seems like a long time at this point to be living where we are but a lot happens over a year as well. And this way we can find a place in person where we really want to live which is better than doing it blind.

Day 3, 4: Our Stuff

September 27, 2010

We hurried to IHOP for a quick breakfast before the movers arrived. 
The large truck pulled up shortly after we got home, 7 crates full of our stuff. Amazing how we can acquire so much. What is it all? The boxes just kept coming. But it was great to have other people doing it. After seeing how much stuff we have, I don't see us ever moving by ourselves again. Painful. But we got everything in. Thankfully we chose a place with a three car garage. Now the overwhelming part...




Day 4
September 28, 2010


Started the job of unpacking today. Interesting to see how the movers packed things. Lots of individual things wrapped up: hot pads, rice crackers, a nail file, thermometer and one case of contacts. Hmm... They did a thorough job, though, I'll give them that. 


We have a shit ton of kitchen stuff, too. We just keep unpacking more and more, the boxes seem endless. The kitchen here is smaller, too, than our one in Boulder. We were spoiled with the amount of drawers we had. We have four here. That's it. Gotta get creative. 


Easy Mac for lunch. And dinner. 


Still no sign of any neighbours. Feeling like we're living in suburbia hell. Dead zone. Very different from what we are used to. Hard to adjust. Fraser is bummed often. We have to remember that we've only been here a few days. Lots can happen.

Day 1: Arrival

My idea with this blog is to write in it daily. With a small child and lots of unpacking to do, we'll see how that goes. It might be lengthy, it might be brief, but I want to keep a log of our first year. The feeling upon arriving somewhere new is always so different than after a significant period of time. I want to be able to look back at the beginning of this and see where we've come.

The first few of these days are going to be backdated because we've actually already been here almost a week. I will try to catch up.

September 25, 2010
We drove through Portland, the actual city of Portland, and begin drifting farther away. We kept going past where I thought we'd get off the highway. I had been a bit apprehensive toward the end of our trip, wondering what our new place would actually be like. We only saw a few pictures online. It was overwhelming looking at all those places, not knowing the area at all, thinking about the space we'd need, about what I'd need as a stay-at-home mom. Lots to consider. And we'd been dragging our feet for so long that when we finally picked, we felt like we had to pick quickly.

Bethany. That's the area where we were headed. Off the highway, down the road a good distance more and finally to our street. All the houses on our block look virtually the same. Huge three car garages out front, small entrance to the side. I don't know what architect thought up that unfriendly design or who thought to build entire subdivisions like that. We saw a few kids playing out in the street. Heartening. 
Our house is pretty standard. Three bedrooms upstairs. Living spaces downstairs. Of course we noticed every little thing wrong as we walked through: dirt, broken hinges, missing handles. The feeling of having made a mistake started coming upon me. We called our landlord who came by soon after. Very nice guy who assured us on all our concerns.

The house echoed that night, empty. Fraser and I slept downstairs in the living room, a little camp out before all our stuff came. 
I was worried that I wouldn't be able to hear Jacob upstairs but his cries were louder than ever the next morning at 4:31, bouncing off all the wooden floors and bare walls.

Day 2

September 25, 2010

Well, suburbia looked worse today. Gray and rainy. Excellent. I distracted Jacob from our sleeping bags as long as possible this morning. Shilo did a better job: he chased her around our house, much to her dismay. Finally he demanded that we get up. Breakfast. Breakfast at 5:30am. Not many places open around here at that time. The GPS wasn't very helpful either. Starbucks was the only option we could think of but a breakfast consisting of more than "muffs" as Jacob calls muffins was what we all needed. We happened upon an IHOP, no thanks to the GPS. Open 24 hours. Awesome.
A couple more errands, winding around streets that all looked the same and sounded foreign, and it was time for Jacob's nap. 9:30. 

Not much to do when you have no stuff. No internet. No idea where you are. No neighbours to be seen or heard anywhere. It was as if we moved into a vacant neighbourhood. Our feelings of dread build. 

Later in the day we go to the playground in our neighbourhood. This is one of the main reasons I chose this house. I have to be able to meet people at a playground, right? It's just a three minute walk from our house; behind our house even, down a bike trail that's next to a lovely green space area (definitely the loveliest aspect of our house). We met a few people: Matt and Esther with a little boy, John. He worked for Intel for awhile. Financing department.  Also Angela and Ryan with a little girl close to Jacob's age, Olivia. Young, fun-seeming, lived nearby. She told me about a church, Sunset Presbyterian where there's a group that gets together as well as an inexpensive daycare there. Definitely going to look into that.

Dinner at a Thai restaurant recommended by Matt. Siam. Tasty food. Americanized like all Thai food here. But very good. Jacob wasn't into it much this evening. He wanted to look at all the golden Buddha statues instead. Alas.... I guess when we go back to Thailand we can leave him with the grandparents.

The Final Push

For me Idaho holds a lot of history. In college I spent time there during a couple of summers working for the Forest Service. We'd go out into the wilderness for 8 days and work on trails. The relationships I built with my co-workers and with the place itself had a profound affect on my life. I am still friends with many of those same people, and I return to Idaho again and again. 

It had been four years since I'd last visited and much had changed. I could see some aging on my friends, especially the children. It made me wonder how different I looked to them. But also, it was a change within me. Most of my time spent in Idaho has been as a single person. This time I came back married and with a child. I felt.... old. Older, I guess, is a better word, but still.. Responsible, matured, not as enraptured with adventure. Don't get me wrong, I do wish for a bit more adventure in my life in the way of outdoor trips, more hiking, camping, things like that. But not the same sort of vanishing into the wilderness that I found appealing back in my younger days. Makes me wonder if being a grown-up has really taken a hold of me.

I want to have adventures still. I want to live life to the fullest. I want explore and dream and discover. I want to remember those feelings of passion I had when I was younger. And yet.. they don't all fit into my life in the same way. My adventures involve Jacob now and showing him the world. I bring him on my explorations down nature trails where we might only go twenty feet but find a world of rocks that I never would've noticed before. My dreams include more children, a bigger family as well as time for me to make cards, write, do some more quilting. Discovering who I am now on the journey as I add new things into my life: a husband, a child, a new place to live.  

We saw some cool tepees at the Sacajawea Center outside Salmon. Visited some of my favourite hot springs - mostly because they're usually quiet even though they're built up a bit. 

Enjoying some hot springs!

It's crazy to think that I first came to Idaho 10 years ago and that this is where we all are now. Hanging out with old friends was wonderful. Good to be in touch with people for that long. 

Even though Jacob was being a trooper on this long road trip, he also asked about his home frequently. 
"Back," he'd say. "Home".
We explained that our home was packed up and that we were moving to a new home. What he understood we'll probably never know. We called our hotels, hotel home. And we'd tell him that when we were staying at someone else's home. 
One day in the car he says, "Home. Back."
"Yes, we'll got back to Rick and Audrey's home later," I say.
"Ga-cob. Home," he says. "Back".
It broke my heart to hear him ask so specifically to go back to his home. I know he misses it. And I know he won't remember it. That makes me sad. 












Our journey was nearing an end. Fraser couldn't wait to stop packing the car. I couldn't wait to stop entertaining Jacob in the car. Jacob couldn't wait to be out of the car. We stopped in Missoula for a night. Another old Forest Service friend, Dave, was up there. We hadn't seen each other in 8 years. We had a fire and he brought out some old pictures from back in the day. Pretty fun seeing ourselves from back then. We had some good times.



The next stretch of road between Missoula and Seattle I had never been on. Pretty amazing considering all the cross country road trips I've taken over the years. It was only about a three hour drive to Coeur d'Alene, ID. Jacob wasn't a huge fan of getting back in the car. We had to make a few stops. Luckily at one gas station, I noticed a thrift store across the street. Great place to stop for road trip toys! I found a couple more Matchbox cars for 50 cents, some plastic tools for 25 cents, another book for a buck. Most battery operated toys had no batteries but I found one little, pink plastic thing with a button (one of Jacob's obsessions) that, when pressed, made some little lights spin around. And it worked!! This was practically better than breast milk to the boy. Such a small thing; so highly entertaining. Thank you, thank you, thank you thrift store in Cle Elum. And to add frosting to that little piece of magic, I found a pair of Dankso shoes (with the toe and ankle strap) for $8. That's right. Eight dollars. My size. Good condition. 

A beautiful drive between Missoula and Coeur d'Alene. Evergreen covered mountains, fog patches rising from the river and sitting amongst the trees. It was our first overcast day which made it feel cozy. And we got out to eat or get gas it smelled of pine and woodsmoke, making me want to pitch a tent somewhere in the hills. 

Coeur d'Alene was a cute town. We got there early, checked into the only hotel that would let us do so at noon with a pet, and went to sleep. After our naps, we explored the town a bit. Had some good Greek food, wandering through a couple antique stores, then headed back to the hotel for some pool time.

Things got flatter between Coeur d'Alene and Seattle which had a beauty of it's own. And more hay bales. Farmland. Grant County, WA is the county that grows the most potatoes in the world. Who knew?

We arrived in Seattle on our 3rd year wedding anniversary. Seattle was pretty. We finally felt like we were in the Northwest. Lush, green, ocean. Very nice. We stayed with a good friend of mine from high school and college. Had some sushi dinner, watched Sixth Sense (not a good anniversary movie) and hung out. 
After the time change from Mountain Standard Time to Pacific, Jacob started getting up at four, which was pleasant. Needless to say, not many places are open for breakfast at that time.We hit up a Starbucks around 6:30, desperate for some food. Then found a nice park near the water and took a little walk. Lovely moist earth and trees smell so wonderful. The beach here was all rocks but shiny from being wet. If I lived here, my house would be loaded with rocks. They looked like the polished gemstones you find in souvenir stores. I only took a few. 
 

Yum, roast beef sandwich!

 At this point, we were so ready to be done. Enough visiting, enough living out of a car, enough entertaining a strapped in toddler. Definitely enough driving. We wanted to be in a place we could start calling home. 

We stopped in a town for lunch that was filled with antique stores. Everywhere you turned there was another one. Someday, when my mom visits, we'll have to go exploring. 
And finally, after ten days of journeying, we were in Portland.